CANCER

Right now it seems that the horrible disease of cancer is dominating everything. The start of 2011 has been a nightmare and there are worrying signs for us ahead. As you will know we have 2 children with cancer and also Samuel is battling with a tumour as well.

After my trip back to the UK I came back to Kenya to find Peter, the 13 year old boy who has been battling with a tumour on his head, having arrived back at the same situation he was in 13 months previous. We were had reached the stage of Peter receiving his final chemo session at the start of January, but just as that was due, a smal bump came up in the same spot as before on his forehead. It was very hard to take and when I did return from my grans funeral the lump had really grown, chemo was halted and tests were done. It was now time to face the docs and get an update. So in the midddle of January we had a meeting and were told the surgeons said they could operate and try to remove the tumour, but there was no guarantee they could get it all. Peter woudl then need to go on chemo for another year or so with possible radiotherapy too. The complication with chemo though is that as he has had so much already the cancer will have started to evolve and build up some immunity so it woudl be tricky in choosing which chemo drugs to use. The prognosis wasn't good and the docs left it to us to decide whether we go ahead with surgery and treatment or call it a day on trying to cure Peter. We walked away from the meeting devastated, how on earth could we make such a decision on someones life?? either give him a chance or call it a day and bring a death sentance on him.

We met the next day to discuss but none of us could come to a conclusion. I was getting ready for the Mount Kenya trip and I knew I needed more time to think. Also I was hoping to talk about the caase with 2 people on our mount kenya trip who were senior and experienced hospice doctors. So for the next 2 weeks I was away on the expedition, thinking, questioning, and in all honesty was probably more worried about how I could live with myself if I decided not support more treatment, its something I am ashamed to say that in a way that worried me more than the choice for Peter, how could I play God???

So a few weeks went by and I got some good advice from the hospice guys, they said ask what his chances are of surviving beyond 5 years. I got back to Nairobi after the mount kenya trip and emailed the doc asking that very question. He came back to me saying that 'IF' surgery worked and he received more chemo etc, his chances of lasting more than 2 years was 2 in 10. As soon as I received this email it was now clear in my mind. We could not put Peter through such painful surgery, loads more chemo and pretty much end up in the same place. It was clear we had come to the end of treatment for cure but now focusing on making the best of the days he has left. Thankfully his legal guardian and extended relatives all came to the same conclusion and there was a great deal of reassurance in that we had reached the decision together and shared responsibility in it.

Peter still doesn;t know what is going on, but I have now registered him at Nairobi Hospice, a place I once went to as a school boy on my first trip to kenya, to help out for a week. How could I ever believe that 15 years later I would be back there with a boy I am caring for. Next week on thursday we will go to day care and with the help of the nurse, counsellor and doctor there we will break the news to Peter. I am dreading that day and just cannot imagine how Peter will take the news, a boy aged 13 knowing that his life is going to end soon. We don't have a time scale and no-one can predict, but with the location of the tumour and the rate it is growing it is not looking great.

In the coming months we are going to face some very diffficult times and some seriously heart breaking ones. It seems so unfair that after all this work, after taking him through so much we are now in this situation. But I am glad of the support of the hospice and I know we will be really relying on them for help. Their vision is "Putting life into their days" so not worrying about extending life, but making the most of the life we have. This has made me think about Peter and the time he has left. I want to do something special for him, while we still can. I remember in the UK that there are charities that organise special things for kids who have terminal illnesses, such as disney world trips etc. If I could I would take Peter to Old Trafford to see Man utd, the team he absolutely adores, or I would take him to disney land Paris. But I know this is not possible, too many complications, getting passports, money, and risks of taking someone in his state overseas. But what I can do is organise a trip to Mombasa, its not Old Trafford, or disnety worl, but ist the closest thing to ana amazing holiday for a kid from Cheryls. I have spoken to a resort called Turtle Bay, an all inclusive place in Watamu. Its not my ccup of tea, but they seem to do things for kids, its a safe place and they have a great swiming pool etc. They have agreed to help us out and are giving me resident rates, with a 20% discount on top, plus the childrens rates are really cheap. My plan is that 4 of us would go down. Myself and Peter, plus a best friend of Peter (someone he can choose) plus James, who helps me out with lookking after Peter, James is one of our older boys who has finished school and spent many a night in the hospital looking after Peter.

The cost of the trip for 5 days which includes petrol etc is roughly £1,000 for the 4 of us. Its not often I would use this blog to directly try and raise money, but in this case I must, because I don't have this kind of cash available. I would be hoping to do the trip at the start of April, I can't wait too long in case his health detriorates and we couldn't travel, but I also need time to get organised and raise some money. The hotel have also agreed I don't have to pay the 50% deposit until a week before so they have given me more time than usual. we cannot put this money through the CWK charity as it would not necessarily fit their Trust Deed, so in raising these funds I would just need to receive them in my UK bank account and then I can pay the hotel here in a bank in Nairobi.

As I say i don't often use this to appeal for money directly but in this case the blog seems the best tool. We will still be spending money on Peter's medical care and we do have some funds in the bank to keep going with this, hopefully we will have enough in the long term, but for now we are ok. So I need to raise £1,000 for this special trip for Peter, a final gift, pretty much the last thing I can do for him other than organise his care. If anyone can help please email me and let me know, small or large, anything would be really appreciated, I want this to happen for him, I want him to enjoy the time he has, I want him to get the chance to play in the ocean, mess around in a swimming pool, have some laughs with some friends on the beach, eat some yummy food and for a week just pretend like everything is ok and forget about all this cancer stuff, I want to put life into his days. my email address: kjbkenya@hotmail.co.uk

Finally I must say thank you for all the support so many have given towards Peter over the last 18 months. Your prayers, your financial support have been overwhelming. I am gutted the outcome is not different, but if it wasn't for so many people getting involved perhaps he wouldn't have made it this far. Please keep praying, there is always room left for a miracle.